Random Thoughts from the middle of the night

I have heard people say that if you wake up in the middle of the night with lots of thoughts, maybe within those thoughts and worries that are keeping you up lie the answers and inspiration to direct your path.   So, while my family sleeps,  here I sit at my computer trying to articulate my thoughts and put them on paper.  

I worry about Madison because she is in a state of flux and making decisions that will direct her path for life and beyond.  Every single decision that she makes now will factor in to where she ends up in this journey that we call life.  Even the simple choices have a profound manifestation down the road.  

I have come to terms with her breakup with Levi and I support her.  This is not about Levi.  It's about helping Madison to find peace and happiness.  

Levi was newly returned from his mission and as a recently returned missionary, he had a special spirit about him. He had a positive, good energy.   He was enthusiastic about the gospel and he honored his priesthood.  I hope and believe that he respected Madison and was careful not to act upon his baser, "natural-man" instincts.  He wanted marriage because it is the next step in eternal progression.  Every relationship reaches a point where you must make a choice; get married or break up.  This is particularly true for a couple who is committed to being morally clean and understands the importance of temple covenants.

On the other hand, Madison's best friend(s) are living with a more worldly attitude.  If it feels good or makes you happy, then its good.  Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die. It's what the world wants us to believe and embrace.  Make no mistake, the friends are good, honest, kind and non-judgmental people.  They are fun, hardworking and driven.  They might even be referred to as "the salt of the earth".  However, the gospel and its standards aren't their highest priority right now.  Their energy is different from the gospel energy that Levi chooses to live.  

This incongruity causes conflict for Madison.  It causes her to question who she is and what she wants to be.  Which energy does she want to live?  Because she hasn't completely committed herself to either energy, she is being pulled in both directions and it's a really hard place to be.  We are naturally attracted to people with a similar energy and we seek our own.  If she chooses Levi's energy, she will naturally and gradually fall out of sync with Millie.  Likewise, if she chooses Millie's energy, she can't comfortably be in relationship with Levi or whatever boy that she dates with a similar high energy.  She may date boys with a high energy, but the relationship won't flourish and grow unless she is of a similar energy.   It will become uncomfortable and stale.  And in time, she will no longer be attracted to those boys and they will no longer seek her out.  Madison is beautiful and it's what may first cause her to be noticed, but her real draw or attraction is the beauty and purity of her spirit.  Beautiful girls are a dime a dozen, but it is rare indeed to also radiate inner beauty and goodness.  That is real beauty!  It is what sets her apart from thousands of other beautiful girls.    

Breaking up with Levi scares the heck out of me because it could very well be a break with the energy that he represents; not because I think she has to marry Levi in order to be happy.  I am absolutely certain that happiness and success will be achieved only at that higher energy level.  

Moving in with Millie is, in a way, a move to choose into her energy level.  Madison may think that she will resist all the lifestyle choices that Millie is making, but as she chooses Millie's energy, she also chooses to put herself at great risk.  Madison's fixed beliefs may prevent her from getting tattoos or drinking or law of chastity problems, but the more comfortable she becomes with and is tolerant of Millie's lifestyle the more it will feel natural to choose similarly.  Madison's path may be different, but it will be of a similar energy.  I hope that Millie is open to Madison's life choices and that Madison will influence her for good.  In this world where Satan is so powerful (by his own words, he is the "God of this world"), if we don't very intentionally choose good, by default, we chose to put ourselves in his influence.  If you play in the mud, you will get dirty.  

As I have expressed before, Madison has the opportunity and privilege to be a light to Millie and influence her for good.  However, she can only do this if she is standing on higher ground.  She must first make sure that she is safe and solidly grounded.  You can't save a drowning person by throwing yourself into the ocean with them.  It brings to my mind one of my favorite hymns: 

Brightly beams our Father’s mercy

From his lighthouse evermore,
But to us he gives the keeping
Of the lights along the shore.
Let the lower lights be burning;
Send a gleam across the wave.
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.
Dark the night of sin has settled;
Loud the angry billows roar.
Eager eyes are watching, longing,
For the lights along the shore.
Trim your feeble lamp, my brother;
Some poor sailor, tempest-tossed,
Trying now to make the harbor,
In the darkness may be lost.

We are the lights along the shore.  It is our sacred responsibility to be that light and to bring our friends and loved ones home to safety.  Elder Boyd K. Packer told the following story that illustrates the vital need for lights to guide us to safety.    

"In 1971, I was assigned to stake conferences in Western Samoa, including the organization of a new stake on Upolu island. After interviews we chartered a small plane to Savai‘i island to hold a stake conference there. The plane landed on a grassy field at Faala and was to return the next afternoon to take us back to Upolu island.

The day we were to return from Savai‘i, it was raining. Knowing the plane could not land on the wet field, we drove to the west end of the island, where there was a runway of sorts atop a coral break. We waited until dark, but no plane arrived. Finally, we learned by radio that there was a storm, and the plane could not take off. We radioed back that we would come by boat. Someone was to meet us at Mulifanua.

As we pulled out of port on Savai‘i, the captain of the 40-foot (12 m) boat asked the mission president if he had a flashlight. Fortunately, he did and made a present of it to the captain. We made the 13-mile (21 km) crossing to Upolu island on very rough seas. None of us realized that a ferocious tropical storm had hit the island, and we were heading straight into it.

We arrived in the harbor at Mulifanua. There was one narrow passage we were to go through along the reef. A light on the hill above the beach and a second lower light marked the narrow passage. When a boat was maneuvered so that the two lights were one above the other, the boat would be lined up properly to pass through the dangerous rocks that lined the passage.

But that night there was only one light. Two elders were waiting on the landing to meet us, but the crossing took much longer than usual. After watching for hours for signs of our boat, the elders tired and fell asleep, neglecting to turn on the second light, the lower light. As a result, the passage through the reef was not clear.

The captain maneuvered the boat as best he could toward the one upper light on shore while a crewman held the borrowed flashlight over the bow, searching for rocks ahead. We could hear the breakers crashing over the reef. When we were close enough to see them with the flashlight, the captain frantically shouted reverse and backed away to try again to locate the passage.

After many attempts, he knew it would be impossible to find the passage. All we could do was try to reach the harbor at Apia 40 miles (64 km) away. We were helpless against the ferocious power of the elements. I do not remember ever being where it was so dark.

We made no progress for the first hour, even though the engine was at full throttle. The boat would struggle up a mountainous wave and then pause in exhaustion at the top of the crest with the propellers out of the water. The vibration of the propellers would shake the boat almost to pieces before it slid down the other side.

We were lying spread-eagled on the cover of the cargo hold, holding on with our hands on one side and with our toes locked on the other to keep from being washed overboard. Brother Mark Littleford lost hold and was thrown against the low iron rail. His head was cut, but the rail kept him from being washed away.

Eventually, we moved ahead and near daylight finally pulled into the harbor at Apia. Boats were lashed to one another for safety. They were several deep at the pier. We crawled across them, trying not to disturb those sleeping on deck. We made our way to Pesega, dried our clothing, and headed for Vailuutai to organize the new stake.

I do not know who had been waiting for us at the beach at Mulifanua. I refused to let them tell me. But it is true that without that lower light, we all might have been lost."

Life can be treacherous and sometimes we lose our way for a time.  However, Heavenly Father loves us so much and He has not left us alone to find our way.  There are "lights along the shore" to guide us home.  Sometimes we are so grateful for those lights and other times we get to be the light.